Funny Wedding Jokes - One Liners

Here is a page of free, but clean wedding jokes / funnies. We have collected what we feel are the '2012 Best Clean One Liner Jokes' that you could use in your wedding speech.

Take a look at the short one liner jokes on marriage and note the ones that you personally find funny. 

They will be the jokes that suit your personality and that you can raise a laugh with. When the time comes, try to personalise the jokes for an even greater effect.

Each culture has it's own particular sense of what is funny and what is just downright disgusting and dirty. If you are unsure whether to use a joke because it might offend, then remember 'If in doubt, then don't'. No-one will know what you did not say.

Personally, I would never use the 'marriage is a prison sentence' as a humorous joke. All the lines are very old, predictable and un-intelligent. The same goes for tacky mother-in-law jokes !

   
 

 2012 Best Clean One Liner Jokes : Marriage Jokes

 

  • A women enjoys a man of strong will - as long as it's made out to  her.
  • My wife asked the priest if he believed in sex before marriage. The priest replied 'Not if it's going to make me late for the ceremony.
  • My wife said to me 'You're everything I want in a man'. I said 'And what's that?' She answered 'Not much!'
  • Did you hear about the Irish bride and groom who sat up all night waiting for their sexual relations to arrive ?
  • Two TV antennas got married ... the wedding was boring, but the reception was great !
  • Society really needs children; they are essential to a marriage - how else do we program the video cassette or DVD recorder ?
  • The Father of the Bride said: 'It's not everyday that I give away a daughter, although there have been a few times when I've wanted to.'
  • Marriage is like a game of noughts and crosses -when Julie is cross, Jim gets nought.
  • The wife said, 'No, I don't wake up sleepy and irritable - I let him sleep in.'
  • The husband said 'Our marriage is based on trust and understanding - she doesn't trust me, and I don't understand her'.
  • She offered her honour, he honoured her offer and all night long it was honour and offer
  • My Daughter has not given us any trouble - as long as my wife and I did what we were told.
  • The two most important words in a marriage are 'Yes Dear'.
  • I overheard my wife asking her friends the other day 'What do you prefer - sex or cake?' Her friend asked 'What kind of cake ?
  • There are 2 sets to a successful marriage: firstly, let your wife think she is having here own way and secondly, let her have her own way !
 
  • I asked my wife what was on the TV - she said 'Dust'.
  • I am not a 'yes' man to my wifre - when she says 'no' I say 'no'
  • It's not who wears the pants that matters; it's how much money is in the pockets.
  • The bride looks absolutely stunning - the groom looks absolutely stunned.
  • The first time the groom set eys on the bride he was awe struck by her looks - to him, she was drop dead gorgeous. He said to her 'You're gorgeous' - and she said, 'Drop dead!'
  • Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. It's TRUE! Statistically 100% of all divorces started with marriage!
  • I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.
  • I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
  • In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
  • What is the difference between a dog and a fox ? About 5 drinks
 

 

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